(I want to explain to you how special this series is to me.
I will give you a direct example of its positive impact in order to magnify why:
In writing this first essay “Go Slower… to Go Faster”, I started with about 400 words. Then, I got to 750 words. Then, I got to 1400 words.
Then, within a breakout room within a Write of Passage live-session, Mike Kanaan and Jacob Tally gave me critical advice to simplify my writing further and suggested breaking up my one essay into a multi-part series (I was in the same thinking as them).
So, this is me, doing exactly that.
And this is me, also applying the exact thing I’m writing about: patience and not doing everything at once.
Slow down to speed up
My voice simmered down.
It was at this point in the phone call with my dad that my ears were attuned like a knob on a radio station.
I was on that frequency – and there was no doubt my dad was too.
In a relaxed voice, with the presence of a sage, he said:
“You can never hurt the other person by going slower, but you can blow it up by going too fast.”1
After my dad told me this last week, it’s clung closer than goosebumps on skin.
It’s one of those one-liners that comes straight from the heart.
It’s not written down after, either.
It’s just felt…. and remembered forever.
Isn’t that a marker of the best advice?
It goes from one person’s heart to another and is simply felt on the deepest level possible.
As someone who loves deep conversations, I thirst for interactions like these.
See, my dad and I were discussing man <> woman relationship dynamics.
The deep stuff.
When you’re young, parents give you the birds and the bees talk.
Mom usually talks about the female things.
Dad usually talks about the male things.
However, if you’re reading this and you’re from the South of the U.S, it’s forbidden to ask or talk about how the human body and sex works.
Thankfully, I’m from the Northeast.
Now that I’ve grown into a man, this conversation with my dad felt like an elixir of wisdom handed down to me as I advanced to the next horizon.
Learning what to do is great advice.
Learning what NOT to do is timeless wisdom.
Because of past relationships, I’ve learned what NOT to do.
Yet, the sobering lesson was in the form of experience and not just advice from a close friend or a loving family member.
See, the reason I was talking about relationships with my dad is because I have a small track-record of rushing it when it comes to dating.
Now, I am starting another relationship.
My dad, being the great dad he is, just doesn’t want me to jump the gun. Again.
In the past, with my dating, I became too eager to love the other person. I became too enamored with the person I was in a relationship with. So, in developing the relationship, my mind would focus on the big pedal of intimacy and growth, meanwhile the little pedal of patience got no attention.
More importantly, so did God.
Don’t mistake me. Love is critical. Love is the most important thing.
But in this instance, and in these past relationships, I was doing it my way.
I was simply – forcing it.
“forcing it”
But, why?
Why force anything?
Ever?
Going slower truly doesn’t hurt the other person.
The only reason I seemed to go fast is because of my own expectations that I set for myself.
What would it look like to release those expectations and serve the other person’s needs, instead of my own desires?
If I go slower in the short-term, I will get the benefits of the long-term.
Thank you, dad.
Love you mucho, ma.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6)2
Thanks to
,
(Jack Dixon), and
for such incredible feedback and support.
Thanks to
(Rahul Sanghi), and
(Rohan Gayen) for your encouragement and feedback, as well.
